Dear grieving mothers,
It’s not supposed to be this way. This is not the life you dreamed of, hoped for, expected. Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children; parents are supposed to die first. That’s the natural order of things.
What you’ve experienced is unnatural. It feels wrong because it is wrong. When you welcomed your child, you had no idea of your capacity for love. You’d read about motherhood, heard stories about it. Maybe experienced a bond with your own mother. But that’s no comparison for what you felt the moment you laid eyes on your child.
And then you have to say goodbye long before you’re ready. You learned about your capacity for pain. Suffocating. Soul crushing. Words are empty compared to the weight of it all. Nothing will ever be the same again. Nothing.
You will always, always carry your loss with you. Others may not see it or know about it, yet it’s there trailing you like a shadow. Grief can obliterate a person. It can turn hair gray. It can turn your world gray. But there are other things grief can do.
Grief can birth compassion. When you see death right in front of you, your wells of understanding deepen. Grief can reveal the best in humanity. Some say the wrong thing. Some are so fearful of saying the wrong thing that they say nothing. But there are others. They sit with you. They make sure you eat. They fold your towels and wash your sheets and shovel your sidewalk. They show up.
Grief can show strength. There are moments you feel you too might die; you might burst from anger and pain. There are moments you wonder if you will ever know happiness. If you will ever emerge from the fog.
But hear this: You will breathe again. You will ache a little less. You will go to bed one night and notice that you felt a bit like yourself that day – even for just a few minutes. You will never forget. You will never fully move on. But you will heal in small ways. This is the strength of a mother.
Dear, grieving mothers. Remember this: You are not alone. There is hope.
With love and understanding,
The Allen Memorial Home care team
*If you need support following a loss, you can lean on us. With years of experience caring for families, our Allen Memorial Home staff knows the best specialists, resources and support groups Tioga and Broome county have to offer. Don’t hesitate to contact us today.